About a year ago, I blogged about my eyes (link to it here), where I talked about the grieving process I was going through for my particular eye condition. In that post I talked about the eventual likelihood that someday I will need a corneal transplant—that a cornea from a donor would have to be grafted in my eye. Well, that day came sooner than I expected. In fact, it is coming on March 15–the Ides of March.
About a month ago, I went to the optometrist to have my eyes checked. He looked at my left eye (which they can’t even get a reading on anymore) and said: “Wow! I’ve never seen… that’s pretty bad, like, textbook bad.” He referred me to a corneal specialist at the Eye Institute (my previous optometrist referred me to the same person). On Friday, Jenna and I hauled Hayden and Mina to the specialist who told me that all other options have been exhausted. If I want better vision, I need a transplant in my left eye.
The thing is that I can still see—mostly. There is a lot of ghosting and lights have very dramatic halos, and I often get headaches that I think are caused by my eyes straining, but I can still see. I’m writing this and can read the words, even though they are pretty small. But what worries me is driving at night, which is getting more and more difficult because the headlights and taillights flare so much that it is hard to see the road, especially when it is wet and has more reflections that flare as well. Also, looking at computer screens is getting harder, which obviously concerns me because it is a big part of my job.
As when I wrote my first blog post about this topic, I feel a bit conflicted. It will be great to see better, but the whole thing scares me, and it is still very odd to think of having a part of someone else grafted into my body—or the idea that someone has to die for my eyesight to improve.
Last night I talked with my brother, who is an optometrist, about it. We discussed several of the potential complications and things to look out for. We also talked about how this will change my life in the future. My brother said, “Remember that this isn’t the end. It is a change—the beginning of a whole new adventure.” And maybe that is the best way to think about it: an adventure.
But that doesn’t make it any less scary.
